Post by Alex on Jun 23, 2022 15:51:56 GMT -5
Mmmmmm....zzzzzz.... rosey....sigh.....zzzzzzz...... make... tag... zzzzzz
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Me: Oh crap.... woken up from another awesome dream...hey! What are you guys doing here.... I mean, I knwo I don't have a fourth wall, but watching me sleep? That's kind of creepy! Oh wait a minute... was I sleep-narrating again? Ugh. Sorry! Well I guess I better leave my wonderful dream and get ready for work.... hey...wait a minute... I just remembered... I got fired last Tuesday! I can go back to my dream. Life is so awesome ! Hang on Rose, I'm coming back for the encore....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...stand.....by me...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sanction: Ladies and gentleman if you are just joining us we are broadcasting live from the sub-conscience of Deirdre Barlow and what a crazy dream he's having....
Pain: Wait a minute... I thought Deirdre Barlow was just a fake name he gave... ironically to evade fraud charges for immitating eggswah.... sorry I mean XWA... superstars!
Sanction: What can I say, this guy follows thorugh even in his dreams, now that's dedication J.
Pain: It's messed up is what it is... and what's with all these readers looking in... even his dreams only have three walls?
Sanction: Well let's get back to the action J. We are in the middle of the final of the Intergalactic Pan-Dimensional All-Encompassing Universe and Nearby Solar Systems Tag Team Championship Tournament and Rose is in trouble and needs to make the tag to Deirdre!
Pain: Trouble is putting it mildly Mark, the Rose & Fan team are hugely outnumbered against the unscrupulous Legion X!
Sanction: That's right and we are fortunate to be joined at the commentary table by Deirdre's friends and advisors Darrell Ultra...
Daz: dat be Daz, yo!
Sanction: Bartholomew L. Brush...
Baz: Oi! That's Baz to you mate!
Sanction: and of course Charles N. Daive
Chaz: Oh I don't get to be called by my correct name very often, why, how delightfully formal!
Pain & Sanction: Ugh... so freaking...
Pain: Gay!
Sanction : English!
....
...
..
Sanction: OK, I judge that to be a proportionately long enough awkward silence, now Daz, I believe you can explain to us why Legion X are allowed to use each member of Rated X and Legion in this tag-team match-up.
Daz: Well it be quite simple, yo, they took the Freebird rule and sent in through a wormhole in the space-time continuum then sealed it shut so the referee couldn't reverse it and moved the coordinates into the sub-stream of conscience of the host of this dream who already have a martyr complex so really it be child's play, I is surpised nobody thought of it sooner!
Pain: I always said Mark, the best plans in wrestling are the simple ones!
Sanction: Indeed, and it certainly gives the advantage to Legion X and due to the variable real-time differences in dreams we have been able to ramble all this time while Rose is still crawling toward his corner trying to make the tag to Deirdre!
Pain: It's just like watching a real-life ladder match Mark!
Sanction: Well while he's still crawling in ultra-slow motion, this gives us a chance to recap on the semi-finals where Rose & Fan were lucky to scrape by with a narrow victory over the duo of Klaxonite Gargoturions of the Shalabictos race of reptillian hybrids from the Omarnite system.
Pain: Well when the referee discovered they were illegally using telekinesis to double-team with their own selves, it was the turning point in the match-up. Then again I always said you can't trust anyone from the Omarite regions.
Sanction: Now J, we don't want any systemist comments like that please, this is a PG dream. But yes, very fortunate the referee noticed that, as the Klaxonites were making no attempt to hide the fact that they were going to use the prize money to put towards the Invasion of earth fund.
Pain: Yes, Rose and Barlow have used their friendship and teamwork to save humanity and evade an almost certain apocalypse, but can they take it to the next level and use that momentum to win the gold?
Sanction: Ummm... I actually think saving civilazation as we know it is kind of more important than winning a tournament!
Pain: And that's why you never rose above mid-card status Mark!
Sanction: Oh my! Rose is inches away from Deirdre's hand, he is about to make the tag, but...wait a minute... there is another hand there J! J? Where the hell has my broadcast colleague gone? Wait a minute... he's there...in the ring... ten times his usual size!
Baz: Blimey, he must ave really juiced up!
Pain: Rose... you listen to me... dump this fanboy loser and tag ME! Together we have the power to rule the Inter Galactic Pan-Dimensional All Encompassing Universe and Nearby Solar Systems! I am... SUPER-PAIN!
Sanction: Wow... Rose is not only in a world of pain, but also a world of confusion. Is he about to turn his back on his friendship with Deirdre Barlow for the easier path to victory that SUPER PAIN will surely give him? It would be hard to argue against it in his shoes right now!
Chaz: My word, we have to take action!
Daz: Dis be no time fo yo pick-up lines Chaz, we gotta do something!
Baz: Yeah but wot could possibly convince Rosey to pick Deirdre at a time like this?
Chaz: A catchy musical number usually works on Broadway!
Daz: Damn though look at dat skinny white-boy compared to SUPA PAIN!
Baz: Yeah it'll ave to be right bloody catchy to convince. Not only catchy but retro as well, the nostalgia pop might work in our favor!
Chaz: Hmmmm... yes something catchy but that nobody has paid attention to in the last decade...
Daz: Dat be easy yo... Spin Doctors! a pocketfull a Kryptonite will put Supa PAIN in his place yo!
Sanction: It sounds a plan is going into action readers. They should be hitting the musical number any moment now. Yep... any moment now... guys what's the delay? Even in a dream there is only so much pointless narrative exposition I can do!
Daz, Chaz and Baz: Our instruments... they're gone!
Sanction: Stealing the opponents instruments before they break into song. The oldest and dirtiest trick in pro-wrestling!
SUPER PAIN: Bwahahahaha... you fools. I've been in the wrestling business for decades. I've studied the tapes of the previous rounds AND I've read the script
Sanction: HEY!... that's breaking kayfabe!
SUPER PAIN: ... every time this team looks like facing certain defeat you guys rally round with a catchy musical number and the tide turns in a montage of high flying death defying spots!
Sanction: Damn... they telegraphed that maneuver!
Daz: Now what we is gonna do?
Chaz: I feel naked without my instrument!
Baz: Ang on a minute... we've all reach our mid-thirties without ever accomplishing anything right? So what's the one thing guys like us really excel at?
Daz, Baz and Chaz! : AIR GUITAR!
Baz: Well, air drums in your case obviously Daz.
Daz: Racist muthafo!
SUPER PAIN: Rose... tag me NOW before these imbaciles hit you with their sentimental tripe!
Daz: Dur-rrrr-rrrr- rat-a-tat-tat... a-rat-a-tat tat.... rat-a-tat-tat... a-rat-a-tat tat....
Baz: Ching-ching chunka-chung chunga-chunga... Ching-ching chunka-chung chunga-chunga...
Sanction: What a repetitive riff... thank God for copy and paste! Oh look... Deirdre's picking up on the beat, he's raising a closed fist to his mouth...
Deirdre Barlow: Yeaaaahh... one-two... partners here before you....., that's what I said now
Partners... with hands out reaching for you... so go ahead now....
This one... knows that we make a good team... aint in his head now
That one... has steroids in his blood stream... well how bout that now?
yeahahaha, ayeyeah now da-dibba-dib da-dibba-dibba-dobba-dobba dob
That one... he like to make a racket... fancy that now
He like to... show off his six-packet.... how'd he get that now?
You tag me... the Legion X might screw you... and that is that now
You tag him... the FBI will sue you.... well how bout that now?
Tag with him... or tag with me
I'm the one here for ya Rosey, can't you see
Though my wife and kids don't mean much to me
I know what a tag-team partner ought to be
Yeah I know what a tag-team partner ought to be-heee-heee-heeee
So if you... want me as your valet... go ahead now
And if you... want to practise ballet... we'll sillouhette now
And if you... want to double-team for hours... slap my hand now
And if your... not impressed with super-powers... I'm your man now
Sanction: Good work boys... he's listening... all we need now is a good old gay English guitar solo and we have him!
Chaz: Crunch crunch achunka chunka reeeeeoooowwrrrr....a dididledidledidle nanananawahwa-wa-waweeeeeeeaaaahaahahahhhhhhh...... etc
Sanction: My word, look at this crowd all holding up cigarette lighters! And Rose has been convinced.... he's done it... he's made the tag!
SUPER PAIN: NOOOOOoOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo... you fool...you'll regret this Rose, mark my words!
Sanction: I have never witnessed such a rapid montage, I can't keep up with the action... a 1080 split-legged shooting star... an anti-gravity frog splash which they learned from Mars & Venus the token "oh look we're so opposite we make the perfect team" duo that bookers always feel obliged to put together.... oh and in a blatant rip-off of the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, they've hit Legion X with 42... the answer to life, the universe and everything... Legion X now have the answer but don't know the question... they can't handle it... they are tapping out one by one.... oh no... but DGX and Alex Sean seem immune to it... of course... they are convinced that the universe revolves around them and therefore nothing else matters... the perfect counter to this finishing move!
SUPER PAIN: DGX and Alex Sean let us join forces and crush these losers once and for all!
Sanction: Oh no... things look bleak for our heros. Can they overcome the arrogance of this treachorous trio? What's this... they are simply holding hands.... how will this help?
SUPER PAIN: CRUSH THEM.... NOW!
DGX: Hey, I give the orders around here.
Alex Sean: Well yeah, on my day off you do!
DGX: When is it NEVER your day off, I'm the one that does everything!
Alex Sean: Well someone has to do the grunt work!
SUPER PAIN: You fools, they are defeating us with the ultimate power of friendship!
DGX: Wow, he really is a super pain.
Alex Sean: Yeah he's really bringing down the tone of our self-indulgent superflous bickering!
Sanction: A mysterious vortex has opened up and has completely sucked DGX and Alex Sean out of the dream! I know it sounds cheesy and illogical I'm sure Daz can explain about all the flux capacitators and systemeatic atmospheric control valves involved....
Daz: Nah-uh man. Dis just cheezy Disney type crap. Even I can't pull an explanation out my ass fo this shiz!
SUPER PAIN: Pah! I don't need those fools. I will destroy you on my own with my super-juiced up aggressive mass.
Deirdre Barlow: You know what SUPER PAIN?
Sanction: Uh-oh! Brace yourself readers... he's got that smug knowing look in his eyes...
Barlow: You just go ahead and crush us SUPER PAIN...
Sanction: No, no, no... we're coming up to the overly preachy moral of the story part of this broadway crap... for the love of God why isn't the fan's alarm clock saving us?
Barlow: Crush me... crush my friends... crush my wife and kids... it really doesn't matter...
Sanction: Dammit, he's doing that annoying sweeping motion with his hands...damn him, I don't care if he DID save us from the Klaxonites, somebody shoot him or me right now!
Barlow: You see, SUPER PAIN... I've learned a really valuable lesson here today...
Sanction: UGH!
Barlow: I've learned that with my partner by my side... my friends backing me up with their air instruments, even if Chaz did go a bit off-key towards the end of that solo...
Chaz: I don't understand, I nailed it every time in rehearsal!
Barlow: It's ok, Chaz.... and with my wife working the streets and my kids working in coalmines to support my talentless ass... I really have nothing to be afraid of...
Sanction: Well... I think we're breaking into the encore now, thankfully. Barlow and rose are looking at each other and smiling in a way that is going to make you readers feel very uncomfortable... especially you Johawn, sorry mate, it's not my dream, I'm just the announcer!
Barlow: So I won't.... be afraid...
Rose: No I-aye-aye-aye won't... be afraid...
Barlow: Just as lo-hong...
Rose: As you sta-hand...
Rose and Barlow: Stand by me....
Chaz, Daz, Baz, the thousands in attendence and the millions watching on tv screens across the Inter-Galactic Pan-Dimensional All-Encompassing Universe and Nearby Solar Sytems: So darling, darling staaaaannnnnd....by me....oh-woh-ho-ho-ho stand.... by-hiiiiii meeeeee... wont you stand by me, stand by me...stand.....BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz
Pain: Wait a minute... I thought Deirdre Barlow was just a fake name he gave... ironically to evade fraud charges for immitating eggswah.... sorry I mean XWA... superstars!
Sanction: What can I say, this guy follows thorugh even in his dreams, now that's dedication J.
Pain: It's messed up is what it is... and what's with all these readers looking in... even his dreams only have three walls?
Sanction: Well let's get back to the action J. We are in the middle of the final of the Intergalactic Pan-Dimensional All-Encompassing Universe and Nearby Solar Systems Tag Team Championship Tournament and Rose is in trouble and needs to make the tag to Deirdre!
Pain: Trouble is putting it mildly Mark, the Rose & Fan team are hugely outnumbered against the unscrupulous Legion X!
Sanction: That's right and we are fortunate to be joined at the commentary table by Deirdre's friends and advisors Darrell Ultra...
Daz: dat be Daz, yo!
Sanction: Bartholomew L. Brush...
Baz: Oi! That's Baz to you mate!
Sanction: and of course Charles N. Daive
Chaz: Oh I don't get to be called by my correct name very often, why, how delightfully formal!
Pain & Sanction: Ugh... so freaking...
Pain: Gay!
Sanction : English!
....
...
..
Sanction: OK, I judge that to be a proportionately long enough awkward silence, now Daz, I believe you can explain to us why Legion X are allowed to use each member of Rated X and Legion in this tag-team match-up.
Daz: Well it be quite simple, yo, they took the Freebird rule and sent in through a wormhole in the space-time continuum then sealed it shut so the referee couldn't reverse it and moved the coordinates into the sub-stream of conscience of the host of this dream who already have a martyr complex so really it be child's play, I is surpised nobody thought of it sooner!
Pain: I always said Mark, the best plans in wrestling are the simple ones!
Sanction: Indeed, and it certainly gives the advantage to Legion X and due to the variable real-time differences in dreams we have been able to ramble all this time while Rose is still crawling toward his corner trying to make the tag to Deirdre!
Pain: It's just like watching a real-life ladder match Mark!
Sanction: Well while he's still crawling in ultra-slow motion, this gives us a chance to recap on the semi-finals where Rose & Fan were lucky to scrape by with a narrow victory over the duo of Klaxonite Gargoturions of the Shalabictos race of reptillian hybrids from the Omarnite system.
Pain: Well when the referee discovered they were illegally using telekinesis to double-team with their own selves, it was the turning point in the match-up. Then again I always said you can't trust anyone from the Omarite regions.
Sanction: Now J, we don't want any systemist comments like that please, this is a PG dream. But yes, very fortunate the referee noticed that, as the Klaxonites were making no attempt to hide the fact that they were going to use the prize money to put towards the Invasion of earth fund.
Pain: Yes, Rose and Barlow have used their friendship and teamwork to save humanity and evade an almost certain apocalypse, but can they take it to the next level and use that momentum to win the gold?
Sanction: Ummm... I actually think saving civilazation as we know it is kind of more important than winning a tournament!
Pain: And that's why you never rose above mid-card status Mark!
Sanction: Oh my! Rose is inches away from Deirdre's hand, he is about to make the tag, but...wait a minute... there is another hand there J! J? Where the hell has my broadcast colleague gone? Wait a minute... he's there...in the ring... ten times his usual size!
Baz: Blimey, he must ave really juiced up!
Pain: Rose... you listen to me... dump this fanboy loser and tag ME! Together we have the power to rule the Inter Galactic Pan-Dimensional All Encompassing Universe and Nearby Solar Systems! I am... SUPER-PAIN!
Sanction: Wow... Rose is not only in a world of pain, but also a world of confusion. Is he about to turn his back on his friendship with Deirdre Barlow for the easier path to victory that SUPER PAIN will surely give him? It would be hard to argue against it in his shoes right now!
Chaz: My word, we have to take action!
Daz: Dis be no time fo yo pick-up lines Chaz, we gotta do something!
Baz: Yeah but wot could possibly convince Rosey to pick Deirdre at a time like this?
Chaz: A catchy musical number usually works on Broadway!
Daz: Damn though look at dat skinny white-boy compared to SUPA PAIN!
Baz: Yeah it'll ave to be right bloody catchy to convince. Not only catchy but retro as well, the nostalgia pop might work in our favor!
Chaz: Hmmmm... yes something catchy but that nobody has paid attention to in the last decade...
Daz: Dat be easy yo... Spin Doctors! a pocketfull a Kryptonite will put Supa PAIN in his place yo!
Sanction: It sounds a plan is going into action readers. They should be hitting the musical number any moment now. Yep... any moment now... guys what's the delay? Even in a dream there is only so much pointless narrative exposition I can do!
Daz, Chaz and Baz: Our instruments... they're gone!
Sanction: Stealing the opponents instruments before they break into song. The oldest and dirtiest trick in pro-wrestling!
SUPER PAIN: Bwahahahaha... you fools. I've been in the wrestling business for decades. I've studied the tapes of the previous rounds AND I've read the script
Sanction: HEY!... that's breaking kayfabe!
SUPER PAIN: ... every time this team looks like facing certain defeat you guys rally round with a catchy musical number and the tide turns in a montage of high flying death defying spots!
Sanction: Damn... they telegraphed that maneuver!
Daz: Now what we is gonna do?
Chaz: I feel naked without my instrument!
Baz: Ang on a minute... we've all reach our mid-thirties without ever accomplishing anything right? So what's the one thing guys like us really excel at?
Daz, Baz and Chaz! : AIR GUITAR!
Baz: Well, air drums in your case obviously Daz.
Daz: Racist muthafo!
SUPER PAIN: Rose... tag me NOW before these imbaciles hit you with their sentimental tripe!
Daz: Dur-rrrr-rrrr- rat-a-tat-tat... a-rat-a-tat tat.... rat-a-tat-tat... a-rat-a-tat tat....
Baz: Ching-ching chunka-chung chunga-chunga... Ching-ching chunka-chung chunga-chunga...
Sanction: What a repetitive riff... thank God for copy and paste! Oh look... Deirdre's picking up on the beat, he's raising a closed fist to his mouth...
Deirdre Barlow: Yeaaaahh... one-two... partners here before you....., that's what I said now
Partners... with hands out reaching for you... so go ahead now....
This one... knows that we make a good team... aint in his head now
That one... has steroids in his blood stream... well how bout that now?
yeahahaha, ayeyeah now da-dibba-dib da-dibba-dibba-dobba-dobba dob
That one... he like to make a racket... fancy that now
He like to... show off his six-packet.... how'd he get that now?
You tag me... the Legion X might screw you... and that is that now
You tag him... the FBI will sue you.... well how bout that now?
Tag with him... or tag with me
I'm the one here for ya Rosey, can't you see
Though my wife and kids don't mean much to me
I know what a tag-team partner ought to be
Yeah I know what a tag-team partner ought to be-heee-heee-heeee
So if you... want me as your valet... go ahead now
And if you... want to practise ballet... we'll sillouhette now
And if you... want to double-team for hours... slap my hand now
And if your... not impressed with super-powers... I'm your man now
Sanction: Good work boys... he's listening... all we need now is a good old gay English guitar solo and we have him!
Chaz: Crunch crunch achunka chunka reeeeeoooowwrrrr....a dididledidledidle nanananawahwa-wa-waweeeeeeeaaaahaahahahhhhhhh...... etc
Sanction: My word, look at this crowd all holding up cigarette lighters! And Rose has been convinced.... he's done it... he's made the tag!
SUPER PAIN: NOOOOOoOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo... you fool...you'll regret this Rose, mark my words!
Sanction: I have never witnessed such a rapid montage, I can't keep up with the action... a 1080 split-legged shooting star... an anti-gravity frog splash which they learned from Mars & Venus the token "oh look we're so opposite we make the perfect team" duo that bookers always feel obliged to put together.... oh and in a blatant rip-off of the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, they've hit Legion X with 42... the answer to life, the universe and everything... Legion X now have the answer but don't know the question... they can't handle it... they are tapping out one by one.... oh no... but DGX and Alex Sean seem immune to it... of course... they are convinced that the universe revolves around them and therefore nothing else matters... the perfect counter to this finishing move!
SUPER PAIN: DGX and Alex Sean let us join forces and crush these losers once and for all!
Sanction: Oh no... things look bleak for our heros. Can they overcome the arrogance of this treachorous trio? What's this... they are simply holding hands.... how will this help?
SUPER PAIN: CRUSH THEM.... NOW!
DGX: Hey, I give the orders around here.
Alex Sean: Well yeah, on my day off you do!
DGX: When is it NEVER your day off, I'm the one that does everything!
Alex Sean: Well someone has to do the grunt work!
SUPER PAIN: You fools, they are defeating us with the ultimate power of friendship!
DGX: Wow, he really is a super pain.
Alex Sean: Yeah he's really bringing down the tone of our self-indulgent superflous bickering!
Sanction: A mysterious vortex has opened up and has completely sucked DGX and Alex Sean out of the dream! I know it sounds cheesy and illogical I'm sure Daz can explain about all the flux capacitators and systemeatic atmospheric control valves involved....
Daz: Nah-uh man. Dis just cheezy Disney type crap. Even I can't pull an explanation out my ass fo this shiz!
SUPER PAIN: Pah! I don't need those fools. I will destroy you on my own with my super-juiced up aggressive mass.
Deirdre Barlow: You know what SUPER PAIN?
Sanction: Uh-oh! Brace yourself readers... he's got that smug knowing look in his eyes...
Barlow: You just go ahead and crush us SUPER PAIN...
Sanction: No, no, no... we're coming up to the overly preachy moral of the story part of this broadway crap... for the love of God why isn't the fan's alarm clock saving us?
Barlow: Crush me... crush my friends... crush my wife and kids... it really doesn't matter...
Sanction: Dammit, he's doing that annoying sweeping motion with his hands...damn him, I don't care if he DID save us from the Klaxonites, somebody shoot him or me right now!
Barlow: You see, SUPER PAIN... I've learned a really valuable lesson here today...
Sanction: UGH!
Barlow: I've learned that with my partner by my side... my friends backing me up with their air instruments, even if Chaz did go a bit off-key towards the end of that solo...
Chaz: I don't understand, I nailed it every time in rehearsal!
Barlow: It's ok, Chaz.... and with my wife working the streets and my kids working in coalmines to support my talentless ass... I really have nothing to be afraid of...
Sanction: Well... I think we're breaking into the encore now, thankfully. Barlow and rose are looking at each other and smiling in a way that is going to make you readers feel very uncomfortable... especially you Johawn, sorry mate, it's not my dream, I'm just the announcer!
Barlow: So I won't.... be afraid...
Rose: No I-aye-aye-aye won't... be afraid...
Barlow: Just as lo-hong...
Rose: As you sta-hand...
Rose and Barlow: Stand by me....
Chaz, Daz, Baz, the thousands in attendence and the millions watching on tv screens across the Inter-Galactic Pan-Dimensional All-Encompassing Universe and Nearby Solar Sytems: So darling, darling staaaaannnnnd....by me....oh-woh-ho-ho-ho stand.... by-hiiiiii meeeeee... wont you stand by me, stand by me...stand.....BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Me: Oh crap.... woken up from another awesome dream...hey! What are you guys doing here.... I mean, I knwo I don't have a fourth wall, but watching me sleep? That's kind of creepy! Oh wait a minute... was I sleep-narrating again? Ugh. Sorry! Well I guess I better leave my wonderful dream and get ready for work.... hey...wait a minute... I just remembered... I got fired last Tuesday! I can go back to my dream. Life is so awesome ! Hang on Rose, I'm coming back for the encore....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...stand.....by me...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz