Post by Alex on Jun 23, 2022 19:28:35 GMT -5
So like yeah, our hero is like... standing in the ring and all and looking around and rubbing the back of his head where he got hit with a water bottle... the SHARP part of the bottle I might add... and he is like sooooooooo pissed off right now. But being the true professional he is, this will not prevent him from addressing the eagerly awaiting fanfans.
Me: My eagerly awaiting fanfans, I am soooooooooo pissed off right now!
See, I told ya!
Me: I have just been bullied, harrassed and victimized in my place of work and treated like I don't belong all because I am a Fan... so like... ya know people.... by proxy you have all been victimilized and harnassed and buttered also.
Fanfans: Booooooo!
The other 99.9% of the audience: ....
Me: That's right fanfans... we have been told by that wankstein Deejex in his horrible Canadian accent that we don't belong... God, those damn Canadians make me sick!...CRIKEY! IN'T SHE A BEAUT! G'DAY MATE THROW ANOTHER SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE WHISLT I GO WALKABOUT IN THE BUSH!...Ugh!
Scorpion: Ummm... I think the fan might be a little geographically challenged!
Sanction: It's all outside the US, what's it matter?
Me: Anyway like... the point is and all... and I dID have a point... ummm...oh yeah, so like Deejex you think you are all that but like guess what... you're not. It's not that hard to be an arrogant arsewipe who talks about... you know... silly stuff like how great he is and well that's about it... well lookie here Deejex, see I can do that thing that you can do I am talking into the stick shaped thing and being like cool and stuff so yeah, it ain't that hard!
Sanction: He's got a point you know!
Scorpion: Are you serious? You think he sounds anyhting like Deejex, I mean DGX, damn, now he's got me saying it!
Me: So here i am an Eggswah Supastah just like you now Deejex and I already have one win under me
Scorpion: Hah, he's counting that match where his opponent got arrested for getting involved in a riot?
Sanction: Hey, a win's a win!
Me: Yeah Deejex I can do the stuff you can do but you on the other foot could NEVER EVER FORNEVER in a gazillion years do the things I do. Think about it, do you like role-playing, I bet you do you look like the geeky internet nerd type that would go online and pretend
ahem
Me: Oh well I digress you have to forgive me I am nervous
Sanction: It's his first time
Scorpion: No, I'm sure he's been nervous lots of times (RIP Leslie Nielson)
Me: Anyway Deejex we are gonna role-play and you are gonna be the one watching the annoying jerk on tv all these years and see how you like it. So yeah you're watching me make my way to the ring and my entrance music is blaring and it's something really cool but it's being interuppted by this....
Pop....pop-pop-pop...pippa-lippa-lop...pap-poppip-pop-pop....
Dammit Deejex, are you just going to sit there with a confused look on your face... that's the popcorn you idiot, you're burning the fricking popcorn!
The Fan appears to be turning red with rage and grabbing his hair in frustration whilst the audience look on in bemusement!
Me: Oh you think this is funny Deejex huh? You think it's all fun and games being a fan? Well let me sober you up a bit son and give you something to think about...
There are thousands of starving children in Africa who don't have ANY popcorn and you are sitting there in your mom's basement burning it to ashes because you don't care about anyone but yourself.
Put yourself in someone else's shoes for a change, think about it, what it's like to sit there in your straw hut in the middle of the dessert whilst some guy on a camel has just delivered your favorite Blu-Ray from Netflix and you stick it in your PS3 which is hooked up to your 52 inch hi-def flat screen which you just had repaired and this time bought a stand for because you finally realized that a straw hut can't support a wall-mount and the movie's about to start and... NO POPCORN!
Scorpion: Is he fricking serious?
Sanction: He's such a humanitarian :scry:
Indeed the humanitarian has to take a moment to regain his composure and secretly wipe some tears away.
Me: SNIFF! I'm sorry fanfans. I don't mean to get all emotional, but hey whilst we are on the subject... I would like to remind everyone that Christmas is a time for sharing and giving... and whilst these things can be rather inconvenient sometimes which is why I'm going to try and avoid them myself... there is something that we can do that might encourage OTHERS to give and share...
I would like to invite all the fanfans here tonight to take out your droids, blackberries and i-phones and go onto Facebook and change your profile picture to that of your favorite brand of popcorn as a kid and together we can raise awareness of the lack of popcorn in Africa!
Scorpion: This is probably the most politically incorrect moment in XWA's history... Sanction... what the hell are you doing?
Sanction: Hmmm... tap-tap-tap...one second...there done
Me: Anyway let's get back to our scenario... so like your mom smells the burnt popcorn... because lets face it if you were not working for the Eggswah you would be living with your mom... you wouldn't have no Chaz or Baz or Daz to hang out with, hell you couldn't even get a Shaz to tolerate you... (no offence baby if you're listening, I luvs ya baby...or well at least tolerate you somewhat)... and you certainly would not have produced your own army of mini-luchadores!
So anyway, we've established that you are living with your old lady and she's like coming down the stairs wondering why you're burning popcorn in her kitchen instead of out looking for a job and she asks you why can't you be like that nice young man on the tv and you're all like "shut up you old bag" and...
The Fan stops speaking and shakes his head in disgust
Me: You know what Deejex, you should really be ashamed of yourself, that is NO WAY to talk to your mother. If the rest of the world can forgive her for producing you, then you should at least be civil to her. I'll let it slide this one time since I have to get ready to fight Jack Sabbath which is going to be weird because I've actually loved them since Ozzy was singing Paranoid with them back in the 70s but hey that's my problem not yours!
Anyway like yeah, you are like telling your mum to shut up because I am about to speak and I am probably your lifestyle guru at this point in your life because unlike you I care about things and stuff and would use my fame and charisma to help those in need so I will always have words of wisdom for the fanfans before every match and you are fiddling about with your burnt popcorn and you can't take your eyes off the screen and you are all like "yes speak to me though I am not worthy Oh wise one"
And then I will stand in the middle of the ring and gain my composure...kind of like this...
The Fan stands in the middle of the ring and gains his composure
Me: And I will raise the microphone slowly to my lips...
The fan raises the microphone slowly...meh, you get the picture
Me: And in a low rumble I shalt declare.... Fanfans... say your prayers... (and you'll bless yourself quicly and be like..."check")... take your vitamins... (and you'll let your mom insert something between your buttocks and be like... "check"....and ALWAYS put lots of extra butter on the popcorn (and you'll be like CRIKEY! in that stupid Canuk accent of yours)
And you will rush to the fridge in an awkward sideways shuffle because the match is about to start and you won't want to miss it.... and you'll stub your toe and shout a four letter word making your mom even more unhappy... and you'll stick your havd in the tub and fling a big glob onto the popcorn... and you'll rush back to the tv and sit down and stuff the popcron in your mouth and the bell will ring and you will yell with disgust and popcorn will be sprayed all over the tv screen....
You stupid prick you've put Mayonaisse on the damn popcorn!
Ugh! People like you make me sick! You would be the worst fan in the history of... well the history of people liking stuff!
The fan throws down the mic in disgust and stomps away
Me: My eagerly awaiting fanfans, I am soooooooooo pissed off right now!
See, I told ya!
Me: I have just been bullied, harrassed and victimized in my place of work and treated like I don't belong all because I am a Fan... so like... ya know people.... by proxy you have all been victimilized and harnassed and buttered also.
Fanfans: Booooooo!
The other 99.9% of the audience: ....
Me: That's right fanfans... we have been told by that wankstein Deejex in his horrible Canadian accent that we don't belong... God, those damn Canadians make me sick!...CRIKEY! IN'T SHE A BEAUT! G'DAY MATE THROW ANOTHER SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE WHISLT I GO WALKABOUT IN THE BUSH!...Ugh!
Scorpion: Ummm... I think the fan might be a little geographically challenged!
Sanction: It's all outside the US, what's it matter?
Me: Anyway like... the point is and all... and I dID have a point... ummm...oh yeah, so like Deejex you think you are all that but like guess what... you're not. It's not that hard to be an arrogant arsewipe who talks about... you know... silly stuff like how great he is and well that's about it... well lookie here Deejex, see I can do that thing that you can do I am talking into the stick shaped thing and being like cool and stuff so yeah, it ain't that hard!
Sanction: He's got a point you know!
Scorpion: Are you serious? You think he sounds anyhting like Deejex, I mean DGX, damn, now he's got me saying it!
Me: So here i am an Eggswah Supastah just like you now Deejex and I already have one win under me
Scorpion: Hah, he's counting that match where his opponent got arrested for getting involved in a riot?
Sanction: Hey, a win's a win!
Me: Yeah Deejex I can do the stuff you can do but you on the other foot could NEVER EVER FORNEVER in a gazillion years do the things I do. Think about it, do you like role-playing, I bet you do you look like the geeky internet nerd type that would go online and pretend
ahem
Me: Oh well I digress you have to forgive me I am nervous
Sanction: It's his first time
Scorpion: No, I'm sure he's been nervous lots of times (RIP Leslie Nielson)
Me: Anyway Deejex we are gonna role-play and you are gonna be the one watching the annoying jerk on tv all these years and see how you like it. So yeah you're watching me make my way to the ring and my entrance music is blaring and it's something really cool but it's being interuppted by this....
Pop....pop-pop-pop...pippa-lippa-lop...pap-poppip-pop-pop....
Dammit Deejex, are you just going to sit there with a confused look on your face... that's the popcorn you idiot, you're burning the fricking popcorn!
The Fan appears to be turning red with rage and grabbing his hair in frustration whilst the audience look on in bemusement!
Me: Oh you think this is funny Deejex huh? You think it's all fun and games being a fan? Well let me sober you up a bit son and give you something to think about...
There are thousands of starving children in Africa who don't have ANY popcorn and you are sitting there in your mom's basement burning it to ashes because you don't care about anyone but yourself.
Put yourself in someone else's shoes for a change, think about it, what it's like to sit there in your straw hut in the middle of the dessert whilst some guy on a camel has just delivered your favorite Blu-Ray from Netflix and you stick it in your PS3 which is hooked up to your 52 inch hi-def flat screen which you just had repaired and this time bought a stand for because you finally realized that a straw hut can't support a wall-mount and the movie's about to start and... NO POPCORN!
Scorpion: Is he fricking serious?
Sanction: He's such a humanitarian :scry:
Indeed the humanitarian has to take a moment to regain his composure and secretly wipe some tears away.
Me: SNIFF! I'm sorry fanfans. I don't mean to get all emotional, but hey whilst we are on the subject... I would like to remind everyone that Christmas is a time for sharing and giving... and whilst these things can be rather inconvenient sometimes which is why I'm going to try and avoid them myself... there is something that we can do that might encourage OTHERS to give and share...
I would like to invite all the fanfans here tonight to take out your droids, blackberries and i-phones and go onto Facebook and change your profile picture to that of your favorite brand of popcorn as a kid and together we can raise awareness of the lack of popcorn in Africa!
Scorpion: This is probably the most politically incorrect moment in XWA's history... Sanction... what the hell are you doing?
Sanction: Hmmm... tap-tap-tap...one second...there done
Mark Sanction and 489,672 others have changed their profile pictures 
Me: Anyway let's get back to our scenario... so like your mom smells the burnt popcorn... because lets face it if you were not working for the Eggswah you would be living with your mom... you wouldn't have no Chaz or Baz or Daz to hang out with, hell you couldn't even get a Shaz to tolerate you... (no offence baby if you're listening, I luvs ya baby...or well at least tolerate you somewhat)... and you certainly would not have produced your own army of mini-luchadores!
So anyway, we've established that you are living with your old lady and she's like coming down the stairs wondering why you're burning popcorn in her kitchen instead of out looking for a job and she asks you why can't you be like that nice young man on the tv and you're all like "shut up you old bag" and...
The Fan stops speaking and shakes his head in disgust
Me: You know what Deejex, you should really be ashamed of yourself, that is NO WAY to talk to your mother. If the rest of the world can forgive her for producing you, then you should at least be civil to her. I'll let it slide this one time since I have to get ready to fight Jack Sabbath which is going to be weird because I've actually loved them since Ozzy was singing Paranoid with them back in the 70s but hey that's my problem not yours!
Anyway like yeah, you are like telling your mum to shut up because I am about to speak and I am probably your lifestyle guru at this point in your life because unlike you I care about things and stuff and would use my fame and charisma to help those in need so I will always have words of wisdom for the fanfans before every match and you are fiddling about with your burnt popcorn and you can't take your eyes off the screen and you are all like "yes speak to me though I am not worthy Oh wise one"
And then I will stand in the middle of the ring and gain my composure...kind of like this...
The Fan stands in the middle of the ring and gains his composure
Me: And I will raise the microphone slowly to my lips...
The fan raises the microphone slowly...meh, you get the picture
Me: And in a low rumble I shalt declare.... Fanfans... say your prayers... (and you'll bless yourself quicly and be like..."check")... take your vitamins... (and you'll let your mom insert something between your buttocks and be like... "check"....and ALWAYS put lots of extra butter on the popcorn (and you'll be like CRIKEY! in that stupid Canuk accent of yours)
And you will rush to the fridge in an awkward sideways shuffle because the match is about to start and you won't want to miss it.... and you'll stub your toe and shout a four letter word making your mom even more unhappy... and you'll stick your havd in the tub and fling a big glob onto the popcorn... and you'll rush back to the tv and sit down and stuff the popcron in your mouth and the bell will ring and you will yell with disgust and popcorn will be sprayed all over the tv screen....
You stupid prick you've put Mayonaisse on the damn popcorn!
Ugh! People like you make me sick! You would be the worst fan in the history of... well the history of people liking stuff!
The fan throws down the mic in disgust and stomps away