Post by Alex on Jul 22, 2010 23:12:43 GMT -5
We return live to the Wachovia Center as Mark Sanction and J-Pain stand by for their cue.
Sanction: Well, what a night of things we've seen tonight, Pain.
Pain: Yes, many things, and stuff.
Sanction: For sure, can't forget the stuff.
Following the appropriate amount of slightly topical but vague enough to be inserted at any point in the show dialogue, we see, in the corner of our eye, what appears to be members of the crowd in mass parting.
Sanction: Well, this is interesting.
Pain: Yeah, I think Jesus is back.
Sanction: I guess Mel Gibson was right after all.
We peer in closer to get a clearer view of what seems to be going on to notice none other than Alex Sean, the former CEO of the XWA and current WFWF World Heavyweight Champion. His arrival causes an appropriate commotion in the audience, the amount of which depends on what you think of him. Blew your mind there. Anyway, Sean quickly makes his way to the ring barricade and jumps, the security appropriately ineffective in stopping anything from actually happening.
Sanction: J-Pain, that's Alex Sean!
Pain: This is a huge surprise but it's certainly no Jesus.
TNA moment.
Sanction: What could he possibly be doing here?
Sean enters the ring and gestures toward the super hot Keri Thames for a microphone, to which she, appropriately aroused at Alex Sean, obliges.
Alex Sean:
The crowd generically cheers.
Alex Sean:[/B] I'm sure you're all wondering what brings me here. I'm sure you're all thinking of the possibilities; Is he coming back? Is he seeking revenge on The MadDog? Is he coming to rekindle his rivalry with J-Pain?
We cut to J-Pain who gives his generic "announcer's been called out and is ready to throw down face".
Alex Sean:[/B] However the reason I am here is none of those.
J-Pain, dejected, resumes his role as color commentator. Take that Hulkster!
Alex Sean:[/B] No you see the reason I am here is because as I just happened to drive by the Wachovia Center, I started reflecting on these past few months of my life. I thought of the reopening of the XWA by myself and King Kraig, I thought of our departure, I thought of my time away, and I thought of when I sought to return to this company with the single goal of facing DGX at Legends. But as well all know, that did not come to pass because of a group of individuals who don't think a whole lot of your World Champion. They said I was trying to politic my way to a title, that I was a rat who left a sinking ship that had now righted it's course and was trying to return. They tried to treat me, your World Champion, like a bitch.
Appropriate jeers from the audience.
Alex Sean:[/B] But Alex Sean, your World Champion, is no bitch. Especially not to bitches. Because as they say, bitches be trippin. So I walked away and they said that I took my ball and went home. And you know what, in a way they were right. Sure, they're philosophically wrong, but grammatically they're close. You see, I took both of my fine, fertile, World Champion balls and I went home... to the WFWF.
The crowd is sensing a shift here.
Alex Sean:[/B] Now sure, I wasn't welcomed with open arms. Hell in fact, I went from one company where the management wanted me gone to another facing the same problem. But the difference is, despite being mediocre, despite being outmatched, despite being intellectually bankrupt, Trace Demon had something that The MadDog, nor any of the people behind the curtain in the XWA had, and that's balls. You see these guys resent me not because I am willing to take my balls wherever I want to go, but because they've got no balls to take anywhere. They're all ballless. And I'm ballin. Your World Heavyweight Champion.
Yeah this is pretty insulting.
Alex Sean:[/B] So as I stand here, your balls-home-taking World Heavyweight Champion, standing on top of the mountain as the undisputed best in the business, I look at this shade of a corpse of a company that was defined by the spinelessness of the people who handled it, I look at the vast roster of seven people that actually compete here, and you know what fans? I think your World Champion took his balls to the right place; The WFWF.
Now they're booing.
Alex Sean:[/B] But hey, don't worry MadDog, don't worry the rest of you, because I did what you wanted; I took my balls right back to the XWA. And not just that, I'm even gonna tell you what to do with them; Suck them. Suck my balls XWA. Suck my World Champion balls because these balls, these balls right here...
Sean points to his balls.
Alex Sean:[/B] These beautiful, fertile, World Champion orbs of delight and satisfaction are the closest thing to anyone here will ever get to true greatness.
Pausing momentarily, Sean stands there, pointing at his balls, nodding to the camera.
Alex Sean:[/B] So, in closing, from your World Champion, Namaste XWA, namaste.
With that, Alex Sean exits the ring and jumps over the barricade. Nobody dares lay a finger on Alex Sean because, let's be real, he'd fuck them up something fierce. And as he exits, we move on to our next order of business.
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